Anyone who knows me at all knows that I plan out each day, often right down to the hour. My day planner goes everywhere with me and is generally filled with ridiculously long to-do lists. And anyone who knows me at all knows that I adored my job at the museum last year, that I found something I can see as a career for myself. I thrived there. I expected to go back to the museum this summer in some form or other, to finish the project I had spent so much time working on. I expected to have a routine. I expected a lot of things. But as the saying goes: man plans, God laughs. I did not get my job back at the museum. In fact, I did not get any job at all, though not for lack of trying on my part. As the semester drew to a close and I moved out of my apartment, it became clear that I am truly not meant to have a "real" job.
It's now been about a month since I moved back to my hometown, and to be honest, I still don’t really know what I'm doing. This much free time is a completely foreign concept, and I still have moments where I feel like I should be doing more. But over the last several weeks, I've come to realize that sometimes, God simply tells us to sit down and stop trying so hard. Sometimes, we just need to be still.
And sometimes we don't realize it until God yanks the rug out from underneath our comfortable lives and we find ourselves floundering. We don't realize we've become so busy that we're missing out on the fact that God is working and He is good!
Camp ministry is so dear to my heart. It played a huge role in my story, growing up and on into adulthood. But after my last summer as a camp staff member, I thought I was done with that chapter of life for good. Again - man plans, God laughs. In the midst of all this uncertainty, I've accepted a fantastic position at a new camp starting at the end of June, and I'm so excited. Sometimes it takes half a dozen or so doors slamming in your face to see that God has something else brilliant in store.
So for now, I will be still. I will stop planning every detail and simply soak up this time to read and write and reflect and dream. And most of all, I'll rejoice in the knowledge that God knows what he's doing, even when I don't.